Precious pearls of wisdom from a toddler.
Namaste
Out of the Mouth of a Babe …
Tag: problem solving
Mary Magdalene Was Not A Prostitute ~ Women, Do You Know Your Place In Life?
About 30 years ago, I took a Biblical Andragogy course through the Worcester Diocese. This was a deep study into the Old Testament taught by a Jesuit priest. I wanted to throw the book at him. It seemed to me that Jesuits pulled apart everything I ever learned about the Bible in all my previous Bible Studies and whatever was left, well, that was what was left of my faith.
This concept was echoed by another well respected priest when I confided in him that the Jesuit approach was disheveling my faith. This priest went on further to say that with the multiplication of the loaves and fishes on the mountain when Jesus fed 5,000 people, that it was possible that the people had anticipated being gone for the day and took their own loaves and fish along with them. Was this humanly possible? Yes, but it was eroding my understanding of Jesus and the Bible.
Today, I can appreciate pulling apart what was spoon fed to me as a child.
Yesterday I mentioned that the first eleven verses of John 8 were a story added later for effect. There was a reason for this.
Remember in the Gospel of Philip, that he writes that Jesus loved Mary Magdalene more than the other disciples. This infuriated Peter and some of the others. Also remember that for the first 364 years after Jesus walked among us, women were allowed to be priests, preach and teach, AND hold the breaking of the bread ceremony, along with being able to baptize people.
It was not until the numerous Councils of Nicaea, Laodicea, Trent, among others, that the voice of women was suppressed in the fledgling church. It seems it began with changing the rules to hold sacred services, by not allowing women to bathe with men, nor could they all of a sudden approach the alter as they had been doing since the time of Jesus. Rules were added later by men with definite agendas.
Also do not forget that at that time, the bishops were working very closely with the patriarchal rulers of Rome. Women were not allowed in Roman leadership positions, other positions women were relegated to, but not public service in any capacity, religious or otherwise.
Suddenly women were expected to know their place, which was behind men. Jesus never sanctioned this change, nor did God, Father of Jesus Christ, nor the Holy Spirit. Rome did not rule all the known world but wanted to. Women had known times of matriarchal society.
Jesus never taught that women were above men, nor that men were above women. He taught mutual respect for every individual, even those people not of Jewish background, such as the Samaritan woman at the well.
The addition of verses 1-11 in John 8 came later, I have discovered in my Bible studies spanning 50 years, to emphasize and place women in a negative light, in the role of the constant sinner, unworthy of equality and religious public service.
Men wrote the story in Genesis, blaming women for what is called Original Sin. The actual Original Sin is the fault of the fallen angels raping women, of Genesis 6:1 fame, then blaming women for “eating the fruit of the tree in the Garden of Eden.” Sound familiar?
Being raped by the is not the fault of any woman, then or now. History has been repeating itself ever since.
Equality is the key point that Jesus Christ was revolutionizing the thought of his time. It is just as poignant today.
Women, you are worthy, worthy of love, life, liberty, and equality in this world. You are not less than a man. You are not more than a man. Women, you are equal to men. This is the teaching of Jesus.
Many religions claiming to be the Religious Right, or in the right, are not following the teachings of Jesus, which they proclaim that they do. They are picking and choosing which words of Jesus and the other apostles to follow. If you research this, you will see it is the writings of Paul, who was trained as a patriarchal Pharisee, who changed the words and intention of Jesus, not Jesus himself.
Why is this important today?
The role of women is still under attack 2022 years after Jesus Christ walked among us. Jesus taught everyone to continue to teach, preach, and hold public service, public and otherwise.
Mary Magdalene was not a prostitute. She was the closest, faithful companion of Jesus. She is a shining example to all women of how to breathe, walk, and talk with dignity, respect, honor, valor, peace and love without conditions, rules, and regulations placed as restrictions to Universal Life. It is the quiet, sincere presence of Mary Magdalene, who stood valiantly at the foot of the cross, alongside of Mary, the Mother of Jesus.
You are worthy. You are worthy of life, love, and abundance.
If personal safety is an issue, CALL someone. With staying home, abusive situations can escalate. No one has a right to harm you.
What are the signs we need to watch out for?
- The other person always criticizing you.
- The other person always telling you what to do.
- Having to answer to the other person.
- Having to keep to the time schedule of the other person.
- Always having to ask for permission to think, say or do anything.
- Having the other person always manipulating you.
- We all have the God-given right to life. We all have the right to live our lives the best way we see fit. We do not need to live our lives under someone’s thumb.
We do not need to live our lives in debilitating fear, obligation and guilt of someone else injuring ourselves or themselves in some way.
There are suicide prevention hotlines. There are abuse hotlines. There are mental health providers.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233
Rape Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN): 800-656-4673
National Sexual Violence Resource Center: http://www.nsvrc.org
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 800-422-4453 http://www.childhelphotline.org
US Department of Health and Human Services: 800-994-9662 http://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/get-help
You and I, unless we are specially trained with degrees in these mental health fields, are not trained to deal with these real life and death matters. Yes, we care about the people in our lives. We serve no one when we shut ourselves down along with the manipulating and/or mentally sick person. That is not helping.
What will lift us out of despair?
1. Acknowledge your feelings. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are.
2. Decide to change your feelings from those of despair, depression, helplessness or any other dysfunctional negative feelings that are binding you into fear and immobilization. You can do this.
3. Realize that deciding not to stay stuck with despair, depression, helplessness or any other dysfunctional negative feeling does not invalidate the feelings, nor you.
4. Make a conscious choice as to what feeling you want to have, the next lighter feeling in freedom which you can think.
5. Focus only on the feeling you are planning to achieve. Notice I did not say “trying” to achieve. The words “trying” is an open door to failure. It is a way out for you to be able to say, “At least I tried.” Do not “try” to do anything. DO IT. Realize that you can be happy, right where you are, in a line waiting for food, and speaking with others in life-affirming statements on the streets, which bring about other possibilities and opportunities not yet realized.
6. Organize your thoughts, words and actions. Be the change you wish to see in the world around you. By encouraging others in positive ways, you encourage yourself. As long as you are living, breathing and moving, you have the ability to change despair into functional conversations with positive plans to help yourself and others. Make sure you use your voice to VOTE. No one can take away your human rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
7. Know that you are not alone. Even if you remain wearing masks and social distancing, we can reach out by cell phones and social media, zoom, Skype and many other current ways to build each other up, support noble ideas for the common good of all people; and change ignorance into intelligence. Where there is darkness, shine your light of a smile, encouraging words to yourself and your family and friends, and be the Light on the hill for all to see by.
I only chose 7 suggestions out of a thousand I could mention. Perhaps one of these triggers another thought, which then brings you to an even better thought. Go with the next highest vibration of thought to lift you out of despair.
It all begins with a DECISION to feel better. These times are tough, but they are not the end. You are stronger than you realize. We grow in character when we face tough times.
I used to pray for patience, a lot, until I realized one day that by praying for patience, I was inviting in adversity, so I could practice my patience! That is when I DECIDED to claim and fully realize, that I had all the patience I needed. It worked! I simply needed to act on that realization in order to move forward and create abundance of all good things in my life, compared to only witnessing the adversity.
We can re-build our lives. We cannot bring back those who have lost their lives, of course, but we can take the necessary next steps forward in our healing process. Now is not forever. There is so much we can do to help ourselves, and others, in this time of uncertainty.
Choose only thoughts, words and actions based on LOVE and LIGHT. All else harms you and the whole of humanity.
Namaste
Tap Into Cosmic Forces of Nature To Foster Peace ~ Healing ~ Unity In Your Life And In The World
Humanity is the energetic signature, a microcosm of the macrocosm of the ever-expanding universe. Our auras radiate with myriad levels of light consciousness just as the Earth manifests its electro-magnetic signatures of its current realities. Humanity is of the Earth, of the universe, and of the cosmos. All is One. Imagine what would happen if concentrated focus was put on peace, healing, and unity within ourselves. As we grow in conscious awareness of who and what we truly are, we take another step forward into promoting global peace, healing, and unity.
It is fascinating to think of each of us interacting with each other and with the Earth, affecting the outcomes of our lives and with the life of the planet. Everything you and I think about, speak about, and act on affects more than you and me alone.
Semyon Kirlian is the person who accidently discovered Kirlian photography in 1939, capturing the colors in our auras. The colors in our aura change depending on our thoughts, words, and actions. This energetic reality is unseen by the naked eye but can be measured and seen by photographic imaging currently also being used to detect diseases that manifest within the body in western medicine.
But our energy system does not stop at skin level. It is as if you are wearing an etheric coat of your belief system, joys, and sorrows, both positive and negative. Not only does everything we focus on grow, but we also project our focus within the energy field around us by numerous feet in distance. This is why when you are standing in a long line of noisy, complaining customers, your energy system is affected by their energy system. The energy systems of everyone in the store interact with each other etherically.
This is also why being uplifted while attending the symphony, an inspirational movie, and a good conversation from a long-lost friend boosts the mood.
The same thing holds true for every person. This is why it is so important to keep your energy system clean and free from contamination of negative thoughts, words and actions, and only focus on the good, the solution, giving the most life and love everywhere you go. Even silently, you affect other people, places, and things.
When you see something dysfunctional in the news, in education, in law, in any area of life, rather than comment on what is not working, spend time commenting on the solution, the positive alternative, the healing with humor and larger than life outlook.
Problems do not get solved by concentrating on the problems. On one hand we all know this. On the other hand, we get caught up in the trap of taking sides, creating divisions, and needing to be right. Selfishness is at the helm of steering our emotional ship straight into the rocks when we look only at the rocks and not on the beacon of light flashing from the lighthouse.
Solutions are not insulting. Solutions are open doors. Solutions solve issues.
Next, become more sensitive to your surroundings, sending love and light, peace, and joy during meditation. Use I AM statements such as “I AM peace,” to the areas of life void of peace; or “I AM healing” in the areas you see in need of healing. Be the peace. Be the healing balm of empathy and compassion in a world often lacking in these qualities.
See the ripples of peace issue forth from your life, through your aura, reaching into the aura of others. Take the long view, as if you were stepping back and looking down on your life from a much higher perspective, seeing the colors of new life-giving ideas swirling around you and infiltrating the auras of others soaking up positive vibrations, enjoying good conversations, and bolstering their self-esteem.
There is ebb and flow, a pulse to the energy of the cosmos. One thing affects another. Change is constant in the heartbeat of nature, seeds germinating into plants. You and I are made with the seed blueprint of life, generating human life, as well as giving birth to the idea that peace begins with you and me. The emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual seeds we sow will multiply.
Let us build upon what works in life, in every country in the world, to make better lives for all of us, while honoring the freedom and free will with which each individual was born.
Namaste
Be A Vanguard of Light To The Rest of The World
I am calling all people who work with the Light, Love, and Wisdom of Universal Life Energy to continue in a more focused way, uniting hearts, minds, and souls for the mental, emotional, and spiritual uplift of your area in the world, for the benefit of peaceful unity, harmony, health, and the abundance of all good things. Take a moment out of each day to focus on the peaceful solutions to the problems that you see whether you are driving, going for a walk, shoveling snow, meditating or praying in a concentrated way, or thinking healing mantras throughout the day.
Whatever you focus on grows. Focusing on the dysfunction of politics, religion, gender, wealth, and race inequalities only furthers more of what you do not want. If only saying what we do not want would bring to us that what we do want. But that is not how the law of attraction works.
If you focus on dysfunction, you will get more dysfunction. Focusing on positive alternatives in the direction of that which you want to manifest will bring the good you seek to do more quickly to you and the projects you wish to promote.
This is how to build anything you want, relationships, a house, or employment in the medical, technological, and space programs, for example. While it can be beneficial to note a failure of the past you do not wish to repeat, taking that sage advice is different from wallowing in the quicksand trap of addictive drumbeat of negativity, dysfunction, and self-sabotage.
Make a firm decision to stop all gossip, slander, and grand standing. In its place, make another decision to only work for the good you wish to promote. Truth matters. Build on integrity, moral courage, empathy, and compassion.
Empathy has become the missing ingredient of this generation, coupled with lack of compassion for all people. Sometimes life is like feast or famine. We can become so engrossed in finally taking care of ourselves, that the scales tip in some cases to only taking care of ourselves, materially speaking.
I find it helps not to put labels on people, categorizing people by age, ability, color, creed, gender, or any other way. Humanity is humanity. Each one of us, while unique in our own ways, all need to give and receive love, empathy, compassion. We can build a better society with liberty, justice, and understanding for all people, in every situation by acknowledging and sharing all of our gifts.
Now is the time each one of us can make our own lives better with a holistic outlook, caring as much for the driver in the other car as we do for ourselves; taking care of the employees under our watch as we do for ourselves; making phone calls to others to make sure they are okay; just to name a few ideas of going beyond our own selves, our own needs, and our own concerns.
People need people.
Namaste
How To Get Out of Depression ~ Grief ~ Lethargy ~ Procrastination ~ Honest Assessment or Self-Sabotage?
In these days of quarantine, social distancing, and online learning, men, women, and children are showing signs of social distress and declining mental health. Please know there is a lot you can do right where you are to help yourself feel better. Even those in holistic health, mental health, and western medicine modalities can find themselves feeling like the rug was pulled out from under them. All of us humans, strong as we are, are not invulnerable to sabotaging mental health trips and traps.
Has anyone ever tried to help you get out of a bad mood by telling you to think, say, or do something more positive? Usually that well-salted advice slides off your depression because that is not how you are feeling. You might not be feeling positive at the moment. You think you need to be honest with yourself, saying exactly how you feel, depressed, grieving, can’t get out of your own way, lethargic, and procrastinating with every suggestion.
Grief is its own animal, like a fighting tiger; or shall I say grief is its own giant Redwood tree. The roots to our family trees grow deep, including our friends and extended family, so deep that their passing from this life to the next, is hard to grasp. It seems no one lasts forever. While we know how fleeting life is, we are never quite ready for death when it comes close to us.
While time is the usual suggestion for healing this relentless hurt, living past the life of your loved one does not ever return to what it once was. Instead, the major life shift of the new life imposed on you can seem foreign and unwelcomed. Yet, by not forging ahead, you will remain stuck until you do.
How bad do you want to feel better?
Telling someone exactly how you are feeling is the way to remain exactly how you are feeling. It is the way energy works. It is the law of inertia. Things in motion tend to stay in motion, but things, including you, who are at rest, will tend to stay at rest.
It all begins with the thinking process. Allow yourself to think of the next lighter, brighter, more positive thought. Open the window or door for a minute to let some fresh air in. Have a cup of fragrant tea. Mint, orange, apple, and lemon scents tend to lift moods. Yes, the current situation cannot be swept under the rug as if it were not there by drinking tea or opening a window or a door. But those suggestions are a good place to start.
Watch your language. No, not like that, but pay attention to the tone of the things you say. Everyone needs to tell someone how they are feeling. That is necessary. What is harmful is to keep harping on the negative way you are feeling, like an old album that keeps repeating, repeating, repeating…
Your friends, family, and/or therapist are not unaware of your feelings when you tell your mental state once you tell them how you are feeling. The problem arises when you use your personal power to not allow any other vibration around you other than commiserating with the “ever since this happened to me,” and “you don’t understand” mantras, like the constant drum beat with which you have saturated your soul.
Am I saying you have a choice in how you are feeling?
Yes, you do have a choice. To refuse to think anything but negative thoughts is totally up to you. How you use your free will is totally up to you.
We all need to impress this reality to our children who may also be feeling down in the dumps over social isolation when that occurs. Help them to see that yes, they do in fact have a choice in their feelings. Children have free will in their thoughts. Teach them that they think their thoughts. Thoughts do not think them. They can change their thoughts anytime they decide to do that.
Children, like adults, need to express their feelings in words, drawings, paintings, sign language, songs, or other means of life-affirming communication. It is important that they own the feelings they are presently feeling. However, next comes the understanding that they do, in fact, have the personal responsibility to decide to stay with that feeling, if they need to for some greater good, or decide to transmute that feeling to the next lighter, brighter, positive possibility.
Once children learn this healing mental health tip, they can use this in many interpersonal problem-solving dilemmas. Brainstorming other positive thoughts, words, and actions helps the healing process. Holding simple ceremonies of remembrance of the loss of their pet can help them move past their grief.
Tell children they have free will and about the benefits of using their free will to help them feel better. No matter what country you live in, no matter what government you live under, no matter what continent you live on, everyone in the world, including children, have free will.
This means that children, women, and men, do not have to be strong-armed into the negativity that seems to settle on them like a dark cloud, becoming a victim of their thoughts, moods, and feelings. The dark cloud is a good analogy for depression, because one strong force of wind can blow the clouds right out of the sky, just like deciding to listen to happier music, paint a picture of rainbows and the sun, or going for a walk in the fresh air, even if it is cold. Just bundle up and stay warm.
The important point to remember here, even if you have heard this before, is that you are not a victim. You are not a victim of your life; and you are not a victim of your feelings. It is important to be honest with yourself. Since you are not perfect, it is important to acknowledge to others, and especially to yourself, the times you have made mistakes. Own your stuff.
As human beings, sometimes we try to blame others for the problems in relationships, employment, or our own lives, instead of pulling our own bootstraps up, owning our part in the situation, forgiving or asking for forgiveness, and moving on. It is possible to move on with self-esteem and reputation intact. This is part of character development, no matter what age you are.
Then there are times when things land on our head unexpectedly, like getting fired, divorced, or someone close to us dies. Life altering events can take up to two years or longer before a sense of normalcy returns to the self. Remind your heart that two years is 730 days. It is important to know that in order not to rush the grieving process, or inappropriately force emotions of peace and joy during major life transitions like moving from one state or country to another when you are feeling the opposite emotions.
Take one day at a time. Find the treasure in each day. Actively look for the wonder in every day. You will have good days and not so good days. Still, you’ve got this. Know that healing is possible and one day the sun will shine in your heart again. Own your feelings.
Doesn’t this sound like a contradiction of emotions with the advice I mention above?
No. Admitting to what you are feeling is an honest assessment. Deciding to stay in depression, lethargy, and procrastination is self-sabotage. The point is, it is a decision you make, not a feeling that overwhelms you, something with which you cling for dear life.
It is a mistake to think that your feeling is your identity, that you will always be depressed. Feelings come and go and are as changeable as the wind. You are a valid person, a single soul with many wonderful attributes, feelings, moods, likes and dislikes. You are a kaleidoscope of color and intrigue, changing with every turn of your hand. You are pure wonder itself.
Once I was at a mental health seminar for continued educational credits. The course I paid for spoke to the fact that if you do nothing, eventually your feelings and moods will change, which is true. But I found it extremely upsetting to suggest allowing the person to continue to suffer from depression without remedies that can help much sooner.
Sure, you can wait and do nothing, and brighter days will appear eventually. Or you can follow my advice and usually get there quicker. I like the path of least emotional pain and anguish. My entire holistic health career is based on programs geared to the individual that can help improve each person’s mental health, not wait for some lucky day that may never come, based on the constant self-messaging of the client.
You are in control of you, even your feelings. No one else can tell you how to feel. You are in charge of that.
Some people like the attention they get when they are depressed. Realize this can be a manipulation of fear, obligation, and guilt, commonly called FOG if it persists. If you haven’t heard from your friends and family as much as you used to, this might be the reason. Once you understand the role you have been playing in your own life, it becomes easy to correct. It just requires that you want to feel better.
This is one of the reasons I decided to write this blog in my retirement. It is the same reason I chose the motto for my holistic healing business:
“Because You Deserve To Feel Better”
Namaste
What The World Needs Now Is Love
How does a country heal from gun violence, COVID-19, physical and mental assault, relationship dysfunction, and even self-sabotage? How does anyone heal anything? Love is the only answer for every problem, every time.
The answer is simple, yet profoundly difficult to achieve, like most worthwhile endeavors, such as alcoholism – stop drinking, weight loss – stop over eating, quit smoking – stop smoking.
What does it take for some police to stop killing black and all non-white people in the streets of our nation? What does it take to competently address addictions in this country? What does it take to get rid of COVID-19, not just live with it forever? Is there a common denominator that will heal self-sabotage we are all victim of from time to time?
LOVE IS THE ANSWER.
It is a simple, yet profound principle that makes for the best motivation in any kind of healing. Right now, we are a grieving nation from blatant cruelty from the trigger of guns, drug and alcohol addictions, and millions of deaths of our loved ones who died from the deadly pandemic sweeping the world. We are still trying to solve the best way to help asylum seekers seeking safety at our borders, reuniting children with their parents.
Calling things what they are, rather than hype up language with a cause, such as calling asylum seekers violent criminals, will defuse many situations. Uniting, rather than dividing, is the suggestion here.
Individually we can tackle each problem with a different set of solutions. Yet the bottom line for all these problems is love. The kind of love I am addressing here is agape love, brotherly love.
This is different from the selfish love, me-first love, only taking care of me and my-own love.
Genuine empathy, compassion, and love needs to infiltrate our hearts. This requires love without measure.
We are all in this life together, regardless of personality likes and dislikes, abilities and disabilities, class distinctions, and personal gifts and attributes. A deeper understanding of our shared human condition will lead the way out of the dark, self-serving and self-sabotaging agendas of political and religious leaders.
Now is the time to begin again applying the Gold Rule foundation for decision making in all areas. This works in the arenas of justice, immigration, and every other area of life we can think of. Acting in fair and equitable ways is not a push over. It just makes things more human. Let us all begin again, right where we are, to treat others the way we wish to be treated.
No one person or group is better than any other group. We have pride in our heritage, but ours is not the only heritage there is, obviously. We can get along with our neighbors, even globally. There is a way to communicate with those who do not agree with us without violence.
War is not a communication skill.
If we all chose the path of least resistance, we would find our problems would be solved easier. Ramping up violence, ramps up violence. We see this in the world, our politics, and even our families.
Creative problem solving requires innovative minds. Get more sleep. Eat good food. Exercise the body. These sound like simple things to start with, but they work. Many problems do go away with a good night’s rest.
Namaste
Natural Problem Solvers ~ Peace ~ Honesty ~ Integrity ~ Harmony ~ Love
Have you ever noticed how discord, lies, lack of integrity, anger and hate never solve any problem? All of these approaches to life deflect, deny, and denounce problems, but they are not the right tools to use to solve them. It is only a matter of time before twists and turns against pretend realities catch up to the truth that manifests itself in all situations.
Living in a modern world of audio and video, we can see events unfold right before our eyes. There is no spin or fake news when we observe things first hand for ourselves. Recognize deflection when you see it. Stand for truth, not someone else’s version of truth that you feel you must conform to. Rather stand for the truth you see right before your eyes, heart and mind.
Before any doctor can operate on a patent, the doctor needs to make an assessment, diagnosis, then plan a course of action for the health of the patient. A proper diagnosis is key. There must be a specific plan put in place in order to change the tide of sickness in all its hideous forms.
We can use this analogy in healing ourselves, our relationships and even in healing our nation.
To keep shining a light on the problems we see is like staying in counseling for life, because we are only focusing on the problems. As long as we only focus on the problems, we will remain in the problems. The problem is not the other guy. The problem is not “out there.” The problem is within ourselves and our lack of awareness of how to heal.
As long as we continue to point fingers at others and stay connected to the root cause of any and all dysfunctional issues, like a super magnet holds its intense grip, we will fail to find positive solutions. Positive problem-solving involves flipping the off switch to the things we have allowed ourselves to be bound with so tightly. Then move on. Do not use your free will to stay stuck just because that is the dysfunction that has become what you might think is normal.
You and I are stronger than any problem that presents itself. Whether it is personal issues, government issues, or global issues, there is no problem we cannot solve, especially when we work together for the common good.
Begin with a foundation of peace and harmony within your heart, mind and body. Acknowledging the next challenge that presents itself is different from wallowing in the stifling grip of self-delusion and self-sabotage. Countries worldwide also fall into this trap.
With eyes wide open, see the situation calling for your attention, without stirring the pot of drama, chaos and dysfunction. This is the key point. There is a way to handle problems in our lives with peace, dignity, integrity, honesty and grace.
Make a plan and announce it to yourself, your peers, your country. It is not enough to say, “This is the problem …” with no definite solution in mind. No country will stand, for example, with its leaders saying, “Do not worry. I’ve got this. We’ll come up with the best plan ever,” then not even announce to everyone what the plan is in the light of day.
Hidden agendas are a red light to sabotage what is about to happen, whether it be a relationship you are working on, a political platform, or any other situation you are trying to remedy. In a relationship, the two people involved would not speak in generalities to each other. Instead, they would come up with concrete ideas.
What are your concrete plans to manifest peace, harmony, honesty, integrity and love in your life, and in the world around you? Don’t just read this. What are your definitive plans? Write them down. Look at them each day until you manifest your heart’s desire.
Bring to mind the aspects of peace in your life. What does peace look like? What is the surest way you can achieve peace?
What do you need to do to balance harmony in your life? This life we live is not harmonious by nature. Storms ravage our shores, floods and droughts devastate our lands, relationships have personality and other obstacles to work through, etc. What is our specific goal to bring harmony to a relationship? What are the political points required to heal a broken nation? Write it down. Share these positive aspirations and goals with others in decision making roles. Share these goals and plan of action with the citizens of the nation.
Pick up the cross of honesty, and its close cousin, humility. It takes a humble person to be honest. Anyone can choose to be the biggest puff of wind in the room. But the biggest puff of wind in the room disapates when a window of opportunity opens and a gust of fresh air cleanses the room. The same holds true for personal relationships as it does for honest political aspiration void of devious and dark agenda. Selfishness in relationships and in politics eventually sink the ship of unbounded greed of power and money.
Integrity is the firm foundation in every solid creation of a beautiful relationship and also in a freedom-loving democracy. Integrity seeks to uphold truth, honor and valor as it holds the torch of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all. This means standing tall against the ignorant bluster of prejudice. No relationship or government can withstand the free reign of prejudice in all its ugly forms to metastasize as a malignant growth upon the life of any relationship or country.
Love is the only answer to every problem. Love does not allow devious deception by robbing peace and harmony for the good of only a chosen few who hijack the good and goods of the relationship, or the country for themselves. Love seeks to help rather than harm.
Working together for the collective goal of peace, harmony, honesty, integrity and love , in our every thought, word and action is the answer. Love is the only answer.
God Bless Everyone Everywhere
Natural Problem Solvers ~ Peace ~ Harmony ~ Honesty ~ Integrity ~ Love
Have you ever noticed how discord, lies, lack of integrity, anger and hate never solve any problem? All of these approaches to life deflect, deny, and denounce problems, but they are not the right tools to use to solve them. It is only a matter of time before twists and turns against pretend realities catch up to the truth that manifests itself in all situations.
Living in a modern world of audio and video, we can see events unfold right before our eyes. There is no spin or fake news when we observe things first hand for ourselves. Recognize deflection when you see it. Stand for truth, not someone else’s version of truth that you feel you must conform to. Rather stand for the truth you see right before your eyes, heart and mind.
Before any doctor can operate on a patent, the doctor needs to make an assessment, diagnosis, then plan a course of action for the health of the patient. A proper diagnosis is key. There must be a specific plan put in place in order to change the tide of sickness in all its hideous forms.
We can use this analogy in healing ourselves, our relationships and even in healing our nation.
To keep shining a light on the problems we see is like staying in counseling for life, because we are only focusing on the problems. As long as we only focus on the problems, we will remain in the problems. The problem is not the other guy. The problem is not “out there.” The problem is within ourselves and our lack of awareness of how to heal.
As long as we continue to point fingers at others and stay connected to the root cause of any and all dysfunctional issues, like a super magnet holds its intense grip, we will fail to find positive solutions. Positive problem-solving involves flipping the off switch to the things we have allowed ourselves to be bound with so tightly. Then move on. Do not use your free will to stay stuck just because that is the dysfunction that has become what you might think is normal.
You and I are stronger than any problem that presents itself. Whether it is personal issues, government issues, or global issues, there is no problem we cannot solve, especially when we work together for the common good.
Begin with a foundation of peace and harmony within your heart, mind and body. Acknowledging the next challenge that presents itself is different from wallowing in the stifling grip of self-delusion and self-sabotage. Countries worldwide also fall into this trap.
With eyes wide open, see the situation calling for your attention, without stirring the pot of drama, chaos and dysfunction. This is the key point. There is a way to handle problems in our lives with peace, dignity, integrity, honesty and grace.
Make a plan and announce it to yourself, your peers, your country. It is not enough to say, “This is the problem …” with no definite solution in mind. No country will stand, for example, with its leaders saying, “Do not worry. I’ve got this. We’ll come up with the best plan ever,” then not even announce to everyone what the plan is in the light of day.
Hidden agendas are a red light to sabotage what is about to happen, whether it be a relationship you are working on, a political platform, or any other situation you are trying to remedy. In a relationship, the two people involved would not speak in generalities to each other. Instead, they would come up with concrete ideas.
What are your concrete plans to manifest peace, harmony, honesty, integrity and love in your life, and in the world around you? Don’t just read this. What are your definitive plans? Write them down. Look at them each day until you manifest your heart’s desire.
Bring to mind the aspects of peace in your life. What does peace look like? What is the surest way you can achieve peace?
What do you need to do to balance harmony in your life? This life we live is not harmonious by nature. Storms ravage our shores, floods and droughts devastate our lands, relationships have personality and other obstacles to work through, etc. What is our specific goal to bring harmony to a relationship? What are the political points required to heal a broken nation? Write it down. Share these positive aspirations and goals with others in decision making roles. Share these goals and plan of action with the citizens of the nation.
Pick up the cross of honesty, and its close cousin, humility. It takes a humble person to be honest. Anyone can choose to be the biggest puff of wind in the room. But the biggest puff of wind in the room disapates when a window of opportunity opens and a gust of fresh air cleanses the room. The same holds true for personal relationships as it does for honest political aspiration void of devious and dark agenda. Selfishness in relationships and in politics eventually sink the ship of unbounded greed of power and money.
Integrity is the firm foundation in every solid creation of a beautiful relationship and also in a freedom-loving democracy. Integrity seeks to uphold truth, honor and valor as it holds the torch of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all. This means standing tall against the ignorant bluster of prejudice. No relationship or government can withstand the free reign of prejudice in all its ugly forms to metastasize as a malignant growth upon the life of any relationship or country.
Love is the only answer to every problem. Love does not allow devious deception by robbing peace and harmony for the good of only a chosen few who hijack the good and goods of the relationship, or the country for themselves. Love seeks to help rather than harm.
Love seeks justice including law and order, as happened today, to stand up in the face of homegrown terrorism, as is the case today when the FBI agents thwarted what it described as a plot to violently overthrow the government and kidnap Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer. The alleged plot involved reaching out to members of a Michigan militia, according to a federal affidavit filed today.
“All of us standing here today want the public to know that federal and state law enforcement are committed to working together to make sure violent extremists never succeed with their plans, particularly when they target our duly elected leaders,” U.S. Attorney Andrew Birge of the Western District of Michigan said today.
Working together for the collective goal of peace, harmony, honesty, integrity and love , in our every thought, word and action is the answer. Love is the only answer.
Namaste
Denial Backfires
Have you ever found yourself in the game of denial, on either side of it?
Staying forever lost within someone else’s expectations is a high price to pay for false security.
We don’t want to deal with our problems, so we’re going to deflect attention off ourselves and manipulate you, so we do not have to change. Just go along with it, and we’ll pretend everything is OK.
No man is an island. We live in a world with other people. This is wonderful when everyone around us is mentally healthy, stable and productive. But these qualities are not always a goal for those around us, either for themselves or for us. Sometimes they, or we, aren’t even aware of the negative ramifications of their, or our own, words and actions. We go sailing on through life, often assuming others understand us, know us, and want the best things for us.
But we are human beings, after all. Life is not played out so perfectly. We forget another side of our human nature is selfish, greedy, lazy, and other less than admirable traits. What people around us living in denial are really looking for is either how to make their lives easier, or how to justify their own dsfunctional thoughts/words/actions, by focusing their attention on us, instead of themselves. They might even do this unconsciously. At first we might not even be aware of this situation, especially if we have grown up in a poverty mentality, or if our guardians grew up with a poverty mentality.
What is the poverty mentality?
The poverty mentality is a whole lot of poor me, woe is me, no one has it as bad as I do, I’ll never get ahead, things never work out for me, I’m no good at money/relationships/jobs/responsibility … You get the picture. The poverty mentality attacks whole families. Not knowing any better, parents indoctrinate their children by their own dysfunctional attitudes such as, people like us just can’t get ahead, that’s just for those rich folks. It’s the us versus them mentality. These parents do not know any better because this is the way they grew up, and it seems normal to them.
We can understand these otherwise loving people in our lives, without agreeing with them, or soaking what they have to say, up like a dry sponge, even if they are full of negativity. We do not have to let them have any permission to our self-esteem, or our personal power. We can even live with these people, and choose not to be influenced by them in the least bit. It’s a choice we make.
That does not mean we take the next dysfunctional step of excluding people, especially family, out of our lives altogether, choosing to make irreparable damage to family and other personal relationships. We sometimes make this mistake as a selfish quick solution as opposed to growing in character development, which from that point forward, leaves a eroneous stamp of self-justification on every other relationship we have, permanently crimping our tolerance of other points of view. We can jump to the false conclusion that neither they, nor we, will ever change. However, the mature response is to communicate, not hide from the emotional work necessary to bloom where you are planted.
We also do not have to make sure others agree with us, in our positive perspective. Practice having no judgement here. We don’t have to judge them, nor accept their misguided judgements on us. If someone is happy being miserable, let them go for it. Nothing we say can change that anyway. We can only change ourselves, and only they can change themselves. We need to decide what kind of energies we will allow into us. Once we decide not to let someone else’s mood, judgements or opinions affect us, their thoughts, words, opinions and actions slide off our aura like teflon. Imagine all that negativity sliding back down to the earth for transmutation.
Deflection and manipulation are the behavior traits that give people living in denial away. They tell on themselves by using these tactics. These tactics work quite well for them, at least for a while, until the person being manipulated becomes aware of what is going on. Depending on how much we have been mentally and verbally been beaten into submission, put down, insulted, demeaned, told how foolish we are, ridiculed, or worse, had guilt heaped on us by others, or guilt by others interpretation of religious expectations (usually man-made), we may or may not be able to stand up to them. This is true of all groups of people, families, socially in communities, religious organizations, politically in countries, and even in the workforce.
We only get one life in the present moment. Perpahs our life lesson in this lieftime is to learn how to take better care of our God-given life. Once we become aware of what our role has been so far, we can step out of that role of denial. We do not know what we do not know. But once we become aware, we have a personal responsibility not to go back to denial.
By the way, when we stop being their puppets, for those of us in relationships with people living in denial, when we step out of the ordinary way we usually interact with manipulating people, they are not going to like it. Become the observer. Do not react. Observe the temper tantrums they have, crying, yelling or anything else. Sometimes these people can be so funny, so dramatic. We have just put a hole in their rubber raft of denial. This helps them tremendously on the road to recovery, and helps us re-gain our personal power, our self-esteem, and our mental health.
Namaste
DENYING REALITY DOES NOT SOLVE PHYSICAL PROBLEMS ~ RELAPSES ~ PROTECTING OURSELVES AND OUR CHILDREN
Denying the fact that a coronavirus pandemic is occurring in the United States and
around the world does not make it go away. Erroneously thinking that it is all over now because we are impatient to get back to our lives as normal will not make normal happen. Not addressing immediate life-saving measures and deflecting to other problems also does not solve the problem. Hidden agendas and willful ignorance are not helpful. All the information available is needed to solve this problem. We need to follow the direction of scientists and the medical community in dealing with a medical pandemic, not politicians nor big corporations who are making money on you and me.
Today, Germany has just gone back into lockdown after opening up last week. Now Germany is reporting their daily cases have tripled.
No one goes to a baker to invest their money. No one goes to a kindergarten graduation for a funeral. Going to the right source to get answers for the right situation is the only way to solve the situation. Here in the USA, that has not happened. Common sense has not prevailed. Willful ignorance and other agendas have prevailed.
Knowledge is power. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “The news depresses me so I don’t watch it.” Lack of knowledge will spread anxiety faster than a deeply-submerged beach ball bounces back up to the surface. Facing problems directly by looking them right in the eye and making positive choices and creative plans to deal with the facts in front of you and me gives us a real sense of coping and control in our lives. Leave pretending for the fantasy writers.
Holistic health takes in all relevant information and proceeds to solve this particular physical issue. Holistic health seeks natural solutions which current western medicine mimics. How do you and I use holistic methods during the COVID-19 pandemic for the total physical health of us all?
Taking stock of our physical reality without an ulterior motive is the only way to solve a physical problem. Omitting an aspect of the dilemma, like omitting an ingredient in baking, will not result in a successful conclusion. Attempting to solve the problem by not really solving the problem only creates more problems. That obviously makes the original problem worse. This is painfully apparent witnessing how the COVID-19 pandemic was turned into a political volleyball rather than taking care of the health of all USA citizens.
In the holistic health model, the only known factor that works to eliminate further spread of the coronavirus pandemic is social distancing. The coronavirus pandemic is not over in the USA. The coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, is not the same thing as the flu. Bleach will not kill this virus. COVID-19 is not over in the USA.
Opening up this country while the pandemic is still surging needs a lot of consideration, if it is done at all. New information is still coming to light. For example, it was originally thought in this country that it does not affect children, who might be carriers, but not get it. New discoveries show that children present with different symptoms than adults. In children, COVID-19 affects their kidneys, heart and nerves, not just their lungs. Please see the previous post on children with COVID-19. They show symptoms similar to Toxic Shock Syndrome and Kawasaki Disease.
Will every daycare center in the USA still keep the only thing that currently works to prevent the spready of COVID-19, which is to KEEP 6 FEET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, INCLUDING CHILDREN? Daycare centers are run by adults who can still be carriers without symptoms, which is also true for the children. The same holds true for all other schools, including colleges. It is erroneous thinking to say that children of all ages do not get COVID-19. Ignorance will not save us nor our children.
Massachusetts Gov. Charlie Baker has announced that childcare facilities, meaning daycare facilities, will remain closed until June 29, at which time a decision will be made as to whether or not they will be allowed to open.
Since only 2.9 percent of the population of the USA has been tested, Dr. Fauci, who is a scientist, physician and public health official, tells us that although current records show 83,000 deaths, (and of course their are many more survivors), that the actual death numbers are obviously much more than that, most likely more than 50% more than is being reported. Only focusing on the survivors numbers does not help to stop the spread of COVID-19. If only focusing on the positive survivor numbers helped to stop the spread of this deadly pandemic, but it does not. The death numbers for this deadly virus were only from those people who went to the hospital and were tested. The greater number of people in this country have not even been tested. I have not been tested, have you?
People have been dying of COVID-19 every day, not always in hospitals. Some say that the COVID-19 numbers in hospitals are inaccurate because some people died of heart attacks or something else, but were counted as COVID-19 deaths, not realizing that COVID-19 also taxes the heart. The same thing applies to asthma or a host of other ailments which COVID-19 also affects indirectly. But the more important point here is the number of uncounted COVID-19 deaths by people nationwide who were never tested and died at home.
Holistic health looks at all the COVID-19 figures in this country. What jumps out is that if the statistics in New York and Louisiana are omitted, the statistics across the rest of the country are going straight up. The curve for the USA is not flattening. It is accelerating. Why did the statistics for New York and Louisiana begin to flatten and go down? They practiced social distancing and quarantine when the outbreaks became known. Much of the USA denied this deadly virus would ever come to them in their states. Still to this day, there is an ignorant, macho response, denying the need for masks and gloves, as if some humans are really superhumans.
As for masks and gloves, they are only effective 70 percent of the time. There is still a 30 percent change of getting the coronavirus even when masks and gloves are worn. So the question is, how lucky do you think you are?
The problem with this thinking is that COVID-19 is not political. It is not Democrat nor Republican. COVID-19 is ignorant of everyone’s race, color, creed, age, gender, and politics. It kills indiscriminately.
Denying reality will not make COVID-19 go away. Some people who are not scientists nor medical people have pontificated that COVID-19 will simply go away and that the herd response will kick in and save us all. While the herd immunity does work for certain colds and flus, do we really want to subject our population to this particular deadly pandemic? Dr. Fauci is saying everyone should expect a second and possibly a third wave which could be stronger than this first wave. Are we listening and comprehending, or are we still denying the reality?
We can hope we do not get COVID-19. We can hope we are one of the ones who recover. What the reality of this particular coronavirus has shown us is that it does not only affect old people. Yes, it seems to affect the elderly and those who are sick or have compromised immune systems more, but among the statistics of those who a have died, you and I will find young men, young women and children who were once as healthy as you and me.
The current trend here in the USA is that there are some facts some humans would rather not know. Pretending everything is fine, and rushing to open up the country while it is still spreading COVID-19 like wildfire, is irresponsible.
The fatigue response to this COVID-19 pandemic is real. But foolishly running into the fire is not the answer. Holistic health solutions always work. We need to practice ordinary care of washing hands, surfaces as well as taking extra care to still social distance and quarantine, and when necessary, go out to the grocery store for food or the pharmacy for medicine.
To deal with the fatigue response, make a plan and follow it. Get up. Get dressed. Go outside if possible or open a window and breath in fresh air. Listen to the birds. Take a ride in the car to see new views. Do any or all of these things, even if you do not feel like it. It is possible to get out of the rut without being reckless and irresponsible. Wake up your 5 senses, boil some cinnamon and/or cloves. Change your routine. Listen to positive music and positive music ONLY. There is more to life than introverted worry and playing old dysfunctional tapes in your head. Repeat a positive mantra such as, “Yes I can,” or “Yes I will.” Choose to feel better, because you deserve to feel better.
People have free will to follow guidelines or not. Yes, more is at stake, like jobs and the economy. But the economy will not save us if we do not do the necessary things to slow and stop this pandemic.
I encourage everyone to remain vigilant during this transition time to try opening up the country. Stay informed of current numbers, so in the event things turn worse, you will know and take the care that is needed for good health and a long life. Ignorance is not bliss.
Because You Deserve To Feel Better
The Control-Freak ~ Fear ~ Obligation ~ Guilt ~ Manipulation Game ~ “Do It Or Else” ~ “Don’t Do It Or Else” ~ “You’re Wrong” ~ “It’s Your Fault” ~ This Is Bullying ~ This Is Abuse
Most of us know when we are being manipulated by others using the all familiar tactics of fear, 
obligation and guilt. But at other times, we can be entangled in the web of other people’s preconceived control-freak game before we are consciously aware it is taking place. This is when others will set up or spin situations to their benefit, much to the infringement of our own free will and immediate knowledge. This is bullying. This is abuse.
1. What is the tell tale sign this is happening to us?
2. How do we make it stop?
3. How do we get control of our life back without threats by others?
If you are being bullied, tell someone. Seek counseling.
If you are being abused, tell someone. Seek counseling.
Has anyone ever said to you, “You need to do this, that or the other thing, or else I won’t speak to you anymore,’ or, ‘If you speak to that person, I will never talk to you again,’ or, ‘Stop it, or else I won’t love you, speak to you, or have you in my life anymore.’?” If so, AND YOU GO ALONG WITH IT, you have been or are being manipulated.
Sadly, this is even used as a weapon in divorces. If you go along with the manipulators whims, you will only be able to speak with or associate with only the people manipulators say can be in your life, or any other conditions they wish to control. Sometimes the manipulation abuser uses other threats, but there is always a threat involving the relationship you and the abuser share. It’s a control-freak game.
Manipulation and guilt are forms of psychological and emotional abuse. Once it is recognized by the victim, health only returns to the person who has been bullied by manipulation tactics when the situation is addressed. It requires a one-on-one communication with the manipulator, no middle man or referee. Once anyone has stepped between the manipulator and the person being manipulated, no healing can take place until or if the manipulator and the person being manipulated address the situation personally.
Once the manipulation abuser becomes aware that they themselves were often first manipulated by this bullying technique, their mental state can only become healthy when they recognize how manipulation first restricted them, and fully acknowledge that fact. It is quite an eye opener.
At first it is a hard pill to swallow because manipulation abusers want to justify in their past actions. It hurts when the manipulator first comes to the realization that they themselves were first victims of the bullying, manipulating game by those they loved, or included in their lives through work, social and all other human interaction circles.
Families, mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, and other family relations, work relations, and all other human interactions have been split up by these hurtful words lasting a lifetime. Sometimes it is over a one-way situation, leaving one person in the two-step manipulation dance of avoidance totally in the dark. For non-family manipulation and bullying situations, we simply walk away. But when it comes to family, it is good to know that these situations can heal if both sides care to work on it.
Manipulating in order to get ones way is a childish act, something two-years olds discover to be very effective. In the maturing process, sometimes we forget to be better people.
Once someone has been the victim earlier in their life in the manipulation game, they have also learned how to be manipulators themselves, continuing the control-freak downward spiral. If they are smart, and many are, and recognize that they do not want to pass on the terrible bullying and manipulation tendencies to continue the victimization cycle, they stop, seek restitution to the relationship, opening the door to forgiveness. This takes inner fortitude. It is difficult, not impossible.
The victimization cycle can be broken. People can emotionally and psychologically grow up. But it requires brutal honesty with ones self. It also requires a forgiving heart, not just for those we have victimized, but also for the manipulator her/himself. We can be the world’s worst critics of ourselves. We need to learn how to forgive ourselves so we can then forgive those we have hurt by our own thoughts, words and actions. Healing is possible.
Sometimes it is harder for those of us who were or still are victims to forgive their emotional and psychological manipulation and bullying transgressors. But this also can happen, even if the manipulation abuser and bully has deceased. It is the forgiving intention and action that heals the heart.
Most often these situations brew over time. It is less rare that they just pop up over night. It happens in families. It happens in work, social, religious, educational, financial, governments and all human interaction circles. Manipulation caused by intentional fear is at the root of the guilt and obligation we feel.
Sometimes the manipulator succeeds in twisting the truth so much that we are led to assume that we are the ones who are at fault and need to get the blame for the broken relationship. At other times innocent characters get slandered when truth twisting gets neatly spun into a web of convenient lies, as if manipulating and bullying aren’t devious enough.
This is part of the intended victimization process. But once light dawns and we see things clearly for what is actually taking place, we can take a deep breath and begin to do what we can to heal the situation when such opportunities arise. If the possibility for healing does not present itself, WE DO NOT STAY IN THE VICTIM ROLE. We do what we can and move on and live our lives peacefully with faith, hope and love. Those are the only answers.
If emotional and psychological healing is what we want for both sides, then we should first pray. Prayer cannot be underrated, and may be the only thing that can work when all else fails.
Healing involves a decision. To move past unbelievable hurt in broken relationships, we need to be ready for reconciliation when it becomes possible and desired, if ever it happens, even when we think this opportunity might never present itself.
This post is addressing emotional abuse, not physical abuse, which include other guidelines and counsel.
It is never too late to mend a broken relationship while people are still alive.
Preston Ni, a professor, presenter, private coach and author of Communication Success With Four Personality Types and How To Communicate Effectively And Handle Difficult People, authored the article in Psychology Today entitled, 14 Signs Of Psychological And Emotional Manipulation. His 14 signs of psychological and emotional manipulation are listed below.
Relationships can be confusing. To help clarifying what we are going through and to decide the best way to proceed to a healthier state, it is good to look at the 14 Signs Of Psychological And Emotional Manipulation. It will help to recognize manipulative signs in order to put a stop to them, either by us being the manipulator or by us being the abused victim of the manipulator.
“Psychological manipulation can be defined as the exercise of undue influence through mental distortion and emotional exploitation, with the intention to seize power, control, benefits and/or privileges at the victim’s expense.
“It is important to distinguish healthy social influence from psychological manipulation. Healthy social influence occurs between most people, and is part of the give and take of constructive relationships. In psychological manipulation, one person is used for the benefit of another. The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power, and exploits the victim to serve his or her agenda,” Ni says.
Ni lists 14 tell-tail signs to watch out for:
1. A manipulative individual may insist on you meeting and interacting in a physical space where he or she can exercise more dominance and control. This can be the manipulator’s office, home, car, or other spaces where he feels ownership and familiarity (and where you lack them).
2. Many sales people do this when they prospect you. By asking you general and probing questions, they establish a baseline about your thinking and behavior, from which they can then evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. This type of questioning with hidden agenda can also occur at the workplace or in personal relationships.
3. Manipulation of facts is another sign to watch out for. Examples of this include: lying, excuse making, being two faced, blaming the victim for causing their own victimization, deformation of the truth, strategic disclosure or withholding of key information, exaggeration, understatement, and have a one-sided bias of issue.
4. Some individuals enjoy “intellectual bullying” by presuming to be the expert and most knowledgeable in certain areas. They take advantage of you by imposing alleged facts, statistics, and other data you may know little about. This can happen in sales and financial situations, in professional discussions and negotiations, as well as in social and relational arguments. By presuming expert power over you, the manipulator hopes to push through her or his agenda more convincingly. Some people use this technique for no other reason than to feel a sense of intellectual superiority.
5. Certain people use bureaucracy – paperwork, procedures, laws and by-laws, committees, and other roadblocks to maintain their position and power, while making your life more difficult. This technique can also be used to delay fact finding and truth seeking, hide flaws and weaknesses, and evade scrutiny.
6. Some individuals raise their voice during discussions as a form of aggressive manipulation. The assumption may be that if they project their voice loudly enough, or display negative emotions, you’ll submit to their coercion and give them what they want. The aggressive voice is frequently combined with strong body language such as standing or excited gestures to increase impact.
7. Some people use negative surprises to put you off balance and gain a psychological advantage. This can range from low balling in a negotiation situation, to a sudden profession that she or he will not be able to come through and deliver in some way. Typically, the unexpected negative information comes without warning, so you have little time to prepare and counter their move. The manipulator may ask for additional concessions from you in order to continue working with you.
8. This is a common sales and negotiation tactic, where the manipulator puts pressure on you to make a decision before you’re ready. By applying tension and control onto you, it is hoped that you will “crack” and give in to the aggressor’s demands.
9. Some manipulators like to make critical remarks, often disguised as humor or sarcasm, to make you seem inferior and less secure. Examples can include any variety of comments ranging from your appearance, to your older model smart phone, to your background and credentials, to the fact that you walked in two minutes late and out of breath. By making you look bad, and getting you to feel bad, the aggressor hopes to impose psychological superiority over you.
10. Distinct from the previous behavior where negative humor is used as a cover, here the manipulator outright picks on you. By constantly marginalizing, ridiculing, and dismissing you, she or he keeps you off-balance and maintains her superiority. The aggressor deliberately fosters the impression that there’s always something wrong with you, and that no matter how hard you try, you are inadequate and will never be good enough. Significantly, the manipulator focuses on the negative without providing genuine and constructive solutions, or offering meaningful ways to help.
11. By deliberately not responding to your reasonable calls, text messages, emails, or other inquiries, the manipulator presumes power by making you wait, and intends to place doubt and uncertainty in your mind. The silent treatment is a head game where silence is used as a form of leverage.
12. Pretending ignorance is the classic “playing dumb” tactic. By pretending, she or he doesn’t understand what you want, or what you want her to do. The manipulation/passive aggressive person makes you take on what is her responsibility, and gets you to break a sweat. Some children use this tactic in order to delay, stall, and manipulate adults into doing for them what they don’t want to do. Some grownups use this tactic as well when they have something to hide, or obligation they wish to avoid.
13. Guilt baiting and unreasonable blaming is used, targeting the recipient’s soft spot, holding another responsible for the manipulator’s happiness and success, or unhappiness and failure.
14. Examples of victimhood include exaggerated or imagined personal issues, exaggerated or imagined health issues, dependency, co-dependency, deliberate frailty to elicit sympathy and favor, playing weak, powerless or pretending to be a martyr. The purpose of manipulative victimhood is often to exploit the recipient’s good will, guilty conscience, sense of duty, obligation, or protective and nurturing instinct, in order to extract unreasonable benefits and concessions.
We may all see ourselves in one role or another as we look back on our lives. Growth in character and psychological and emotional development is always possible. We can always choose to be better people.
God Bless
Kindness Meditation For A World That Needs Kindness
Heavenly Father, remind me how much I am loved by you, personally, intimately. This world can be trying
with its vexing distractions, political turmoil, human cruelty and ego-driven pride, fueled by my and others anxiety and drama addictions. Remind me of a time when I was first created, when I was new and innocent, filled with inspirations of integrity, sparked by your very breath in me. What did you have in store for me when I first made my début in this world?
This fast-paced world screams so loud at times that it can be difficult to concentrate on the things that matter most, the loving whispers of your care for me, poured out in the depths of my heart. You do not capture me in the loudest moments of the day. It is in the quiet of the morning, the break in the day, or in the twilight of the evening that gets pulled up over me, blanketing me with your love. That I notice.
Struggles with finances, fame and glory are necessary to deal with in my existence, yet it is not all of my existence. It seems only when I have lost your peace in my life, feeling the void, that I remember it was not always this way. I know it is necessary to feed and clothe my family, but at times these thoughts are all that consume me. Not all of my human family can even relate to my situation. The divide between the rich and the poor is growing into such a chasm that I am not sure any bridge can span its sweep.
It is my thoughts I must bring back to you, Heavenly Father, so you can put them back in their proper order. My thoughts have been like run-away horses, galloping away with the chaos of life. It is only when I realize this, in those quiet moments, do I realize that it was me who dropped the reigns, not you. My first reclaiming thought is to remember your love for me is always there, waiting for me to look up, encouraging me, nurturing me, never abandoning me.
My heart, mind and soul knows you know me, and love me. When I stop the insane merry-go-round of life not meant to be lived at super-sonic speeds, not in how I think, nor talk, nor act, then I feel myself back in the palm of your hand, and know that you are closer to me than my next breath.
As always, I pray in Jesus name, for the wondrous gift of Holy Spirit to surround you and me with kindness, gentleness and peace, so we can begin again to make a better world, be better neighbors, have better relationships, and better communication with you and those we love, and especially with those we don’t.
The Art Of Listening
Listening is an art form.
Really listening to another person for an extended period is rare, like finding a treasure.We all want to be heard. We all want to be listened to. We all have something to say. We all have something we want to share. We all want to talk, talk, talk.
How many times do we find ourselves truly listening to someone, then they say something that triggers a response thought from us. We bide our time until we can say our part, but at that point, we have stopped listening. We find ourselves “treading water” until the conversation stops so we can jump in with our two cents.
We are listening with an answer running. That is not listening.
Some of us are better listeners than others. Maybe we are attention deficit, or hyperactive, or both, no matter what our age is. Sometimes others gently or not so gently, let us know of this bad habit.
But like any habit, good or bad, habits can be changed. We simply need to become aware of what we are doing. Once someone lets us know we are not listening, that can become the moment we remind ourselves to become the observer of ourselves. Watch what we do the next time in conversation, so that we can do a better job of listening.
Two things happen when we earnestly listen. First, the person we are listening to feels heard, acknowledged and appreciated. Second, we get a better understanding of what the other person is trying to share with us.
This all seems like common sense. However, if the conversation gets heated, or we have a completely different opinion other than the one that is being expressed, then all bets are off with our listening skills.
How are we with political, religious, or relationship discussions? We know what our weak spots are.
It is always better to work things out in person when possible. On the telephone, others cannot see our expressions. The written word can come across very harsh without hearing the inflection of voice and the look in someone’s eyes.
Life is too short to not communicate with others. Keep trying. Never give up. As we grow and change, so do others. If relationships have fallen by the wayside, we can renew them simply by the art of listening.
UNIVERSAL WISDOM ENLIGHTENMENT™ LLC 