In these days of quarantine, social distancing, and online learning, men, women, and children are showing signs of social distress and declining mental health. Please know there is a lot you can do right where you are to help yourself feel better. Even those in holistic health, mental health, and western medicine modalities can find themselves feeling like the rug was pulled out from under them. All of us humans, strong as we are, are not invulnerable to sabotaging mental health trips and traps.
Has anyone ever tried to help you get out of a bad mood by telling you to think, say, or do something more positive? Usually that well-salted advice slides off your depression because that is not how you are feeling. You might not be feeling positive at the moment. You think you need to be honest with yourself, saying exactly how you feel, depressed, grieving, can’t get out of your own way, lethargic, and procrastinating with every suggestion.
Grief is its own animal, like a fighting tiger; or shall I say grief is its own giant Redwood tree. The roots to our family trees grow deep, including our friends and extended family, so deep that their passing from this life to the next, is hard to grasp. It seems no one lasts forever. While we know how fleeting life is, we are never quite ready for death when it comes close to us.
While time is the usual suggestion for healing this relentless hurt, living past the life of your loved one does not ever return to what it once was. Instead, the major life shift of the new life imposed on you can seem foreign and unwelcomed. Yet, by not forging ahead, you will remain stuck until you do.
How bad do you want to feel better?
Telling someone exactly how you are feeling is the way to remain exactly how you are feeling. It is the way energy works. It is the law of inertia. Things in motion tend to stay in motion, but things, including you, who are at rest, will tend to stay at rest.
It all begins with the thinking process. Allow yourself to think of the next lighter, brighter, more positive thought. Open the window or door for a minute to let some fresh air in. Have a cup of fragrant tea. Mint, orange, apple, and lemon scents tend to lift moods. Yes, the current situation cannot be swept under the rug as if it were not there by drinking tea or opening a window or a door. But those suggestions are a good place to start.
Watch your language. No, not like that, but pay attention to the tone of the things you say. Everyone needs to tell someone how they are feeling. That is necessary. What is harmful is to keep harping on the negative way you are feeling, like an old album that keeps repeating, repeating, repeating…
Your friends, family, and/or therapist are not unaware of your feelings when you tell your mental state once you tell them how you are feeling. The problem arises when you use your personal power to not allow any other vibration around you other than commiserating with the “ever since this happened to me,” and “you don’t understand” mantras, like the constant drum beat with which you have saturated your soul.
Am I saying you have a choice in how you are feeling?
Yes, you do have a choice. To refuse to think anything but negative thoughts is totally up to you. How you use your free will is totally up to you.
We all need to impress this reality to our children who may also be feeling down in the dumps over social isolation when that occurs. Help them to see that yes, they do in fact have a choice in their feelings. Children have free will in their thoughts. Teach them that they think their thoughts. Thoughts do not think them. They can change their thoughts anytime they decide to do that.
Children, like adults, need to express their feelings in words, drawings, paintings, sign language, songs, or other means of life-affirming communication. It is important that they own the feelings they are presently feeling. However, next comes the understanding that they do, in fact, have the personal responsibility to decide to stay with that feeling, if they need to for some greater good, or decide to transmute that feeling to the next lighter, brighter, positive possibility.
Once children learn this healing mental health tip, they can use this in many interpersonal problem-solving dilemmas. Brainstorming other positive thoughts, words, and actions helps the healing process. Holding simple ceremonies of remembrance of the loss of their pet can help them move past their grief.
Tell children they have free will and about the benefits of using their free will to help them feel better. No matter what country you live in, no matter what government you live under, no matter what continent you live on, everyone in the world, including children, have free will.
This means that children, women, and men, do not have to be strong-armed into the negativity that seems to settle on them like a dark cloud, becoming a victim of their thoughts, moods, and feelings. The dark cloud is a good analogy for depression, because one strong force of wind can blow the clouds right out of the sky, just like deciding to listen to happier music, paint a picture of rainbows and the sun, or going for a walk in the fresh air, even if it is cold. Just bundle up and stay warm.
The important point to remember here, even if you have heard this before, is that you are not a victim. You are not a victim of your life; and you are not a victim of your feelings. It is important to be honest with yourself. Since you are not perfect, it is important to acknowledge to others, and especially to yourself, the times you have made mistakes. Own your stuff.
As human beings, sometimes we try to blame others for the problems in relationships, employment, or our own lives, instead of pulling our own bootstraps up, owning our part in the situation, forgiving or asking for forgiveness, and moving on. It is possible to move on with self-esteem and reputation intact. This is part of character development, no matter what age you are.
Then there are times when things land on our head unexpectedly, like getting fired, divorced, or someone close to us dies. Life altering events can take up to two years or longer before a sense of normalcy returns to the self. Remind your heart that two years is 730 days. It is important to know that in order not to rush the grieving process, or inappropriately force emotions of peace and joy during major life transitions like moving from one state or country to another when you are feeling the opposite emotions.
Take one day at a time. Find the treasure in each day. Actively look for the wonder in every day. You will have good days and not so good days. Still, you’ve got this. Know that healing is possible and one day the sun will shine in your heart again. Own your feelings.
Doesn’t this sound like a contradiction of emotions with the advice I mention above?
No. Admitting to what you are feeling is an honest assessment. Deciding to stay in depression, lethargy, and procrastination is self-sabotage. The point is, it is a decision you make, not a feeling that overwhelms you, something with which you cling for dear life.
It is a mistake to think that your feeling is your identity, that you will always be depressed. Feelings come and go and are as changeable as the wind. You are a valid person, a single soul with many wonderful attributes, feelings, moods, likes and dislikes. You are a kaleidoscope of color and intrigue, changing with every turn of your hand. You are pure wonder itself.
Once I was at a mental health seminar for continued educational credits. The course I paid for spoke to the fact that if you do nothing, eventually your feelings and moods will change, which is true. But I found it extremely upsetting to suggest allowing the person to continue to suffer from depression without remedies that can help much sooner.
Sure, you can wait and do nothing, and brighter days will appear eventually. Or you can follow my advice and usually get there quicker. I like the path of least emotional pain and anguish. My entire holistic health career is based on programs geared to the individual that can help improve each person’s mental health, not wait for some lucky day that may never come, based on the constant self-messaging of the client.
You are in control of you, even your feelings. No one else can tell you how to feel. You are in charge of that.
Some people like the attention they get when they are depressed. Realize this can be a manipulation of fear, obligation, and guilt, commonly called FOG if it persists. If you haven’t heard from your friends and family as much as you used to, this might be the reason. Once you understand the role you have been playing in your own life, it becomes easy to correct. It just requires that you want to feel better.
This is one of the reasons I decided to write this blog in my retirement. It is the same reason I chose the motto for my holistic healing business:
“Because You Deserve To Feel Better”
Namaste
UNIVERSAL WISDOM ENLIGHTENMENT™ LLC 