Sometimes we find ourselves living a lie, trying to fit the mold, compromising our views, sacrificing who we are for the platitude of peace, and making ourselves miserable in the process.It seems as if we simply denied our feelings, changed our goals, and settled for everyone else’s dreams, then everyone else around us would be happy. Then our life would not be bothering their life, and we would not experience any of the guilt associated with making the necessary life changes needed to be made, if only we were as important as everyone else. Not only that, don’t relationships require heroic effort, gut wrenching problem solving, and staying together at all costs, so a life of loneliness does not happen? Don’t one or both parties involved in relationships need to be put on drugs so as to get along better? Absolutely not.
This is a relationship trap we can find ourselves in, unless we learn how to stand up for ourselves with honesty and integrity. We must be true to ourselves, or we live a lie. Change is not always easy, and most often can be emotionally painful, especially in relationships in which we have invested so much of our time and talents and heart to make things work. But staying together while losing yourself in the process is not part of a healthy relationship.
Relationships are living entities. People in relationships do not always grow in the same direction. This is not a judgment. Sometimes people grow together, sometimes they grow apart. This is the nature of living things. There are times in our lives, that no matter how much of ourselves we pour into a relationship, it is not enough. The tragedy occurs when we finally recognize that something needs to be done, but we fail to do so.
Not to make a decision in a relationship that requires attention, is to make a conscious decision to do nothing, to agree to keep the status quo. By not making necessary changes for your mental and emotional health, you are agreeing with the situation, and the living a lie loop continues to perpetuate.
Everyone matters in a relationships, even you. You matter. You count. Your feelings and emotions are your mental and emotional barometer telling you if you are on the right track, or if something is wrong. Perhaps a relationship only needs a minor adjustment, perhaps holistic counseling is in order. We all need help from time to time.
Listen your heart, your intuition, your gut instinct. You know what to do. Change does not have to come with hostility, nor with hurtful words. It is possible to make your decisions from a place of dignity and calm, honoring who you are and how you feel, without diminishing anyone else in the relationship. This is not about being right or wrong. This is about living a life of integrity and truth.