Lately I’ve been writing about shedding light and healing our personal fears by strengthening our Will. However, some of the fears we have initiate from those around us, and sometimes, by those closest to us, as they attempt to inflict fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) in subtle, or not so subtle ways, including but not limited to emotional blackmail and manipulation. Whether our fears originate from our own minds and hearts, or whether our fears originate as a projection from others that we consciously or unconsciously agree to accept, the remedy is still the same. Heal the God-given gift of your Will by strengthening and using it as the good Lord intended.
FOG was first coined by Dr. Susan Forward, who wrote “Emotional Blackmail” with Donna Frazier. The book describes feelings that a person often has when in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder. These two women also authored the book, “The Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them.”
In my never ending quest to take classes to satisfy by CEU requirements to keep my license, one of the most recent courses I took was on personality disorders, and the possible solutions. As I thought, people with personality disorders rarely improve with medications. Whether people took medications or not, what improved their situation was their own drive and wish to improve. People did not improve when they chose not to, no matter how intensely those around them wanted them to. We can only heal ourselves, like drug and alcohol addiction.
Many of the postings in this blog are self help tools that benefit everyone who wishes to try them. They work 100 percent of the time. The only time they will not work, is if someone stops doing them. In this case, focusing our attention on healing our Will, not giving in to everyone else’s ideas of what you shoud do in your life, makes our Will stronger. When your Will is strong, family, friends and everyone else, cannot pull your emotional strings as if you were a puppet dancing across life’s stage at the whims of your puppetmaster family, friends and others.
These dysfunctional habits of having or accepting fear, obligation, guilt, emotional blackmail and manipulation in our lives, often occur to us slowly. We may wonder if something is wrong with us, or why we constantly fall into these traps. It is not until we become aware we are living our life by walking on eggshells, that we say enough is enough, and strengthen our Will.
We must be in balance to be healthy. It is not against God to strengthen your Will. God gave you your Will for you to use, not abuse or deny it. Our Will is the other half of our Spirit, also God-given. Both of these imprints, our Will and our Spirit, are part of what makes us made in the image and likeness of God. To deny our Spirit is to deny God. To deny our Will is to deny God. They are the God part of us.
All personality disorders benefit from healing their Will. Even if you are a person with no personality disorders, you will benefit from strengthening your Will.
Stengthening our Will is not the same thing as turning into a bully, or bowling people over with our words or actions. If you are going to try to strengthening your Will, go easy on yourself as you start first observing yourself, then trying on new behaviors of finding your voice and asserting yourself. You will find a way that will work for you. But remember, it takes 21 days to change a habit. Stay with it and you will bloom.