Have you ever noticed by trying to avoid problems, they get bigger?
How many times do we catch ourselves trying not to face the elephant in the room, or whatever our uncomfortable situation is? Uncomfortable might feel more like painful, embarrassing, humiliating, so if you can simply stick your head in the sand, the problem would just go away, right? Until we master how to face these situations and how to deal with ourselves, our reactions, these situations will continue to pull our strings.If you feel like giving up being a puppet to other people’s whims, and situations out of your control, then this article is for you. Your liberation is at hand.
You may have an avoidant personality, which might be either in your DNA, how you were raised, or a coping mechanism you’ve come up with to help you get by. But this life is much more than just emotionally getting by. You may have been born with avoidant personality traits, but naming this personality quirk does not mean you have no choices. Knowing what makes you tick is the first part of your healing. You do not have to be a victim to uncomfortable situations ever again.
A person with avoidance issues may be vulnerable to deprecation, rejection, be socially inept or feel incompetent. Know that this is a clouded view of yourself, as if you were looking at yourself through a fuzzy lens. This is not the reality. With a change of the “colored glasses,” or perception we have in our heads, this is a changeable thing. It is extremely liberating to discover this point. Our moods change, and so can our view of ourself for the better.
It is more often than not, a common trait for anyone with avoidant personality disorder, to view others as being critical, demeaning or superior. Again, this is not the reality, and is something you can change when you realize it is happening. That’s why being the observer of yourself for a while to see what makes you tick, is so enlightening. If you want to be critical, go ahead and be critical, just know you have a choice. You do not have to be critical if it makes you feel bad, which it usually does. It sinks your spirit.
If your mantra sounds like, “It’s terrible to be rejected and put down,” or “If people know the real me, they will reject me,” or “I can’t tolerate unpleasant feelings,” know that this too is a choice. Feelings follow actions ALWAYS. All you have to do, whether you feel like it or not, is to change your mantra. Do not wait to feel like saying it. Start right away with a mantra that states what you want to feel, like, “I am confident and secure in who I am,” or “I am perfect as I am,” or “I am able to handle anything.” This changes the vibration of your thoughts to a healthier, wholesome vibration you can build positive self-esteem on. Yes, you can do this. Yes, this really does work.
A person trying to avoid all kinds of things in life, may have decided the answer is to avoid all problems althogether, or to avoid unpleasant feelings or thoughts.
The answer is to tackle all things head on immediately, no matter what. Know that any reaction you get from anyone, or anything, is nowhere near as bad as we assume it will be. Feelings born out of avoidance are far worse than any issue you take on.
The secondary answer is, the opinions of others do not matter more than your own mental health. You count. Let go of attachments of needing to get the approval of others. You do not need it to grow in your own self-esteem. Expect that others are not going to like anything about you coming into your own, and owning your own. Keep trying. It’s a process.