How To Become A Reformed People Pleaser

Do we say yes when we mean yes, and no when we mean no? Do we habitually place other people’s needs before our own? Do you count?

But I don't really want to pick flowers now

This is often the way we give away our personal power.This can be ingrained in us from our youth, depending on the motivational techniques used by our parents. Or perhaps our parents were absent, worked a lot, or for other reasons were not there to support us. This can make us look to others for the affirmation, rather than draw from our own self-esteem.

This may be a habit we do not even know we have until we feel used by people. Are we the one everyone else always comes to when extra chores need to be done at the clubs we belong to, at work or with friends?

It is one thing to offer our help from time to time. Doing service for the greater good of humanity is good for the soul. For a short time, if our work needs our extra attention on a project, or our friend needs help, we may choose to volunteer. The key words here are “for a short time.”

But how many friendships have been lost because one person is always the giver, and the other person is always the taker?

This may happen without our being fully conscious of it. When an unfair situation does occur to us, how do we handle it?

It is wonderful the moment these situations present themselves to our consciousness, because up until that point, we can go years without realizing others are taking unfair advantage of us by our own lack of standing up for ourselves. Once we recognize this, we have a choice, and our head gets more in the game. Depending on our conditioning, or our misguided need to be needed, we may choose to continue giving our personal power away and volunteer our life away, in the hopes that our efforts will gain us status, recognition, friendship, or to be better liked.

Again, the key phrase is, “for a short time.” For a short time, we can burn the candle at both ends, carry an extra heavy work load, help somone through a health crisis. The trouble begins when we do not stand up for ourselves, when the short time turns into what is expected of us over the long haul.

It is interesting to watch ourselves when we begin to find our voice. Often what happen is, we get fed up. We’ve had enough. We get angry with the situation, or the other person because we feel they are abusing us; when in reality, we have allowed this to happen to us.

We are not a victim unless we choose to be. No one wants to hear that, especially if we feel we have been wronged. We are not in charge of other people’s actions, but we are in charge of ours.

So what tends to happen next, is that we can over-react. We angrily lash out that we need to stop being friends, or we quit the club, or set clear boundaries with others. It is enough to simply stop, to simply say no to extra activities, even with a smile.

When did we have to explain our every thought, word or deed to everyone? We can say “no” lovingly, state our mind with integrity, drop the fear and the anger.

But this is a learning process. Some of us have this down pat. Others of us, no matter what age we are, are still learning how to stand up for ourselves. This is especially true is we are in the midst of changing addictive patterns in our life. We need to give ourselves time to change whatever habits we want to. We can do anything we set our minds to.


Author: lindahourihan

My profile picture is a rose, symbolizing that we should all bloom where we are planted. I am planted in the garden of words of knowledge and inspiration, history and truth, quest and discovery. My latest book, MYSTERY OF THE STURBRIDGE KEYS - CHRISTMAS UNLOCKED, has uncovered the deepest mysteries of modern time, mysteries that were planted at the start of time. The theme in this book is: There is one race, the human race. It unveils the secrets of Christmas, Santa Claus, the Magi, Jesus and how Noah's sons repopulate the world through the empires. In the process you meet Abraham Lincoln, Charles Darwin, Charles Dickens, Harriet Tubman, and learn that former Presidents Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama are eighth cousins, both with traces of English royalty through William the Conqueror and Charlemagne in their bloodlines. This book uses real history, ancient and pre-history in this dramatic, plausible fiction/fantasy novel. It took me over a year to research and a lifetime to experience.

5 thoughts on “How To Become A Reformed People Pleaser”

  1. So glad this is of help. It is copyrighted for my next book, but you can use whatever is beneficial to you in it. These things help so much. Have a bautiful day!

  2. Hello very cool web site!! Man .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I’ll bookmark your web site and take the feeds additionally?I am happy to find so many useful information right here in the post, we’d like work out more techniques on this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .

  3. Thank you for the comment Juliette. I thought I would take some time this week before Easter to have some meditations on Mary Magdalene. I’m glad you like it. Have a beautiful day.

Comments are closed.