Speaking our mind is easy when what we need to say is popular, politically correct and non-controversial. But how are we at saying the feelings and emotions of our hearts, stating the
important views of our conscience, and verbally standing up for ourselves in the presence of people with opposing viewpoints?
Some of us would rather climb under a rock, depending on the situation. But choking back what we have to say can make us sick. This is one of those times when emotional distress can cause physical ailments. It creates undo stress. It changes relationships. We need to be honest with ourselves.
Have we ever observed ourselves in these moments? Are we integrating our words and our actions? Are we fooling yourselves? How do we present ourselves to others? Are we coming from a place of integrity?
Depending on what topics press our hot buttons, we may be emotionally charged over one issue or another, one belief or another, or find ourselves in uncharted territory. The more this hot button is pushed the more we might find ourselves losing our peace, talking louder, or playing that tape recorder over and over in our heads. The more this happens, the more we feel out of control, unbalanced.
It is interesting to take a moment to stand back and observe ourselves. It is easy to be caught up in the momentum of the moment, and jump on the bandwagon. By taking a day or a week to watch what makes us tick, we can get a better understanding of exactly how we feel. Don’t forget to breathe, oh yes, breathing.
For some of us, we think we can make our point if we get louder or talk faster, when in reality, the opposite is true. Have we ever noticed that we can get someone’s attention by talking slower and softer? That is usually an attention grabber. This tactic even works well with children. One of the best ways to calm out of control children down is to use a soothing, softer voice. The reason this works well, is that people of all ages do not hear yelling. The wave of loud emotion hits like a wall. Rather than people hearing what is being said, we see and hear the emotion.
Saying what we need to say has two parts, saying and listening. Listening is really a beautiful artform. But have we ever tried listening to somone in a heated situation? We start out listening, then like a pressure cooker valve going off, we flip from really listening, to listening with an answer running. Listening with an answer running in our heads is not listening. At this point, the listening has stopped. We find ourselves mentally on hold, trying to keep control until we can say what is on our mind.
Becoming aware of how we communicate can help us communicate better. Take another breath before you speak, then say what you need to say, with integrity.
We all have a right to our emotions. We have happy and sad emotions. We have positive and negative, light and dark emotions. These emotions and feelings are not right or wrong. They simply are. They can trigger all kinds of emotional responses. It is important to remember that we are in control of our emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings do not control us. We have a choice.
It is liberating to realize this when we feel like we are getting out of control, out of balance. We do have a choice.
We can say everything we need to say with dignity and self-respect. We do not have to give our personal power to someone else.
Whether it is political debates, religious discussions, or relationship issues, these self-help tools work.
Many of us end up with ulcers and stress-related illnesses because in the past we gave away our personal power, our voice, and stuffed our thoughts, opinions and feelings. Other times the exact opposite is true. We yell, scream, and carry on to such a degree that we feel completely unglued. However, the physical ramification is the same; increased stress, and loss of personal power, and over-all feeling of malaise.
We do have a choice. We are the creator of our realities. We are not victims, unless we choose to be.